best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
