Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
