there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
