i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
