New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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