It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
50% drunk capacity currently
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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