TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
