U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
