everyone is single if you try hard enough
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
