Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
