Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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