DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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