ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
