I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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