You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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