She announced her abortion via fbk
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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