was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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