You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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