is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
