69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
