Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
