There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
