Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
