I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
