That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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