C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
