when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
So squirting runs in the family.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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