dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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