Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
