I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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