if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
