Too much gin, very little bucket
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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