eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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