Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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