Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
