i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
