how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
