I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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