Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
