the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize