Walk of Shame. In a state park.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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