Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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