Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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