Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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