if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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