I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
