I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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