where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
