Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
