New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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