Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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