This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
