a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
