got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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