dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
