Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
