i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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