Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I need a burrito and a hug.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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