I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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