i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
