The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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