Capitaan dildo arrescate!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
