Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
