found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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