She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I need water and some morals
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
