I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
