Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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