Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
