can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
...so i touched it.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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