I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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