what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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