Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Randomize
