Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
