I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i've created a new STD.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
