you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
