After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize