maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
