maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
