There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
