Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize