Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
