TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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