plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize