I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
