Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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