Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
