hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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