Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
