Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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