I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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