That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
